"Unfair Attacks" - A Subject Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin (R-AK) Knows Quite Well

"Unfair Attacks" - An imagined animation starring Sarah Palin

Watching the news lately, I've heard a recurring theme amongst the complaining Republican flack machine. The key phrase is: "Unfair Attacks", as in, "the Democrats have been making unfair attacks against Sarah Palin because they're (pick one) sexist, elitist, anti-family, anti-small-town-America, or just plain mean.

That got me thinking about an effective rebuttal, and I think I've come up with one. Maybe somebody who works for a big animation studio or has lots of talent and time on their hands will volunteer to make it or someone will pay my company to create it, I don't care. I just had this visualization so I figured I'd share. If anyone else wants to make it, I merely request a "inspiration credit" for TotallyFixed.com, otherwise it's free to use. Here goes...

Opening Scene: Series of clips of Republican operatives declaring Palin the victim of "Unfair Attacks".

Fade to Black

Voiceover with type: It seems like Sarah Palin and her supporters are complaining about her being the victim of "unfair attacks". Well I guess they should know, because rumor has it that Sarah herself is an EXPERT in Unfair Attacks. Let's watch...

Fade to Scene of Final-Fantasy-style animation of a cammo'ed-up Sarah Palin with a fully automatic AR-15 slung over her shoulder about to board a helicopter with slowly-whirling blades bearing the insignia "Alaskan Aerial Hunts"

The 'copter takes off, and heads out over the rugged, pristine wilderness of summertime Alaska, the camera panning back and forth across the woods, lakes and mountains that typify the Alaskan landscape.

After a minute or so, Palin, holding binoculars in one hand while clinging to the Huey-style open side door of the 'copter, points down and says to the pilot, "Down there!"

Camera pans down to the ground where off in the distance you see a mother Polar Bear ambling along with three cubs (very cute) following her.

The camera zooms in to see the bears sniffing along, looking for food, with the cubs playfully jostling with each other from time to time before hurrying after their mother.

Camera pans back to the helicopter, which grows ominously closer.

Cut to scene of bears noticing helicopter and, looking startled and scared, starting to flee.

Cut back to Palin, with evil grin on her face, settling into shooting position and pointing the rifle at the bears.

"Closer!", she cries out to the pilot and then looks down her sights to her intended quarry.

Pan out to where you can see both the helicopter, with Palin pointing the gun towards the ground, and the bears, now in full flight, running through the woods.

Ack ack ack ack, goes the gun, firing towards the bears, kicking up dust around them as they flee in terror.

Ack ack ack ack - Ack ack ack ack - again and again she rakes the ground with fully automatic weapons fire.

Finally she scores a direct hit and the mother bear, hit in three places along a line, runs a few more feet and then tumbles over, bleeding profusely from three visible wounds.

Cut back to Palin looking very happy. "Got it!", she cries with a fist pump. Turning towards the pilot she says, "Find somewhere to land, there's a nice trophy down there".

Cut back to the dying bear, now surrounded by her three devastated and confused cubs, pawing mommy to try to revive her. A shadow grows over them, which turns into the helicopter landing right next to the body.

They flee into some nearby bushes and you then see the cubs turn, hiding, to watch the unfolding scene.

Sarah dismounts from the helicopter with a chainsaw case and a large burlap bag in her hands. Setting the bag and case on the ground, she opens the case, removes the chainsaw, fires it up, and then walks over to the now-dead Polar Bear mommy.

"This is gonna look nice on my parent's wall", she says and then proceeds to cut off the head of the bear, blood gushing everywhere, and spattering all over her.

Holding it aloft, she says (with a glint in her eye), "I can't understand all those Liberals who want to eliminate aerial hunting. This stuff is FUN!"

Putting the head into her burlap bag, she looks disdainfully down at the beheaded carcass and then at her blood spattered self and says. "Gee, guess I gotta go get cleaned up before that press conference. Let's go Charlie."

She climbs back into the helicopter and it takes off and flies off into the distance. The cubs return and gather around their dead mother, sobbing mournfully. At the clearing's edge, wolves gather, eying the now unprotected cubs. Vultures circle the skies overhead.

Fade to Black

Cut to scene of a cleaned up Palin addressing the assembled media. She says, "The first thing I want to say is that I've been subjected this week to all kinds of Unfair Attacks..."

Fade to Black.

Cut back to sobbing cubs, huddled together for warmth and protection in the shadow of their dead mother as the day's light is fading. Hungry eyes gleaming in the darkened edges of the clearing.

Voiceover: "Unfair Attacks", now that's something Governor Sarah Palin really DOES have experience with...

Fade to Black.

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